< Optimizing wifi, take twoLAN multiplayer: in the works >
Sorry for the silence lately
Aug 27th 2023, by Arisotura
I've been merging some pull requests earlier today, and, looking at some of them...

"Wow, has it really been one year?"

I'm sorry about this. It's not that we, melonDS team, don't care about user contributions. We do, and we're grateful for them. However it takes time to review them and make sure they're mergeable.

And while I can't speak for the rest of the team, the way I am doesn't help. I don't really notice the passage of time, anything in the past just feels like it happened ages ago, and it's very easy for me to let myself be carried into a comfortable routine for a long time. As you can imagine, it's a problem for certain daily life things. It also means that I end up postponing some things a lot, when I don't immediately feel like dealing with them and there's no urgency, I end up just thinking that "I'll do it later when I feel like it", let time pass, let routine carry me, and... "wow, has it really been one year?". Things like dealing with pull requests definitely fall into this pattern.

Lately, side effects from meds haven't been helping either. I take ritalin for ADHD, and venlafaxine for depression, and the two don't go together well for me. The latest dose increases (in July) led me to a situation where I had bad side effects: absurdly dry mouth, headaches and light sensitivity, bad sleep (waking up every hour or so), and intense fatigue, entirely negating ritalin's benefits.

I stopped taking ritalin and things quickly got a lot better. Although this also means I'm back to my usual ADHD self, in terms of focus and productivity: I don't really control what my brain focuses on, and it can take a long while to get myself to do things.

I won't try taking ritalin again until I'm off venlafaxine. I'm tapering down that; I get more tired some days but overall it's going well. I think venlafaxine has done its job, I also feel a lot better about myself and the world than even one year ago, so I'm pretty confident I can do this. I also want to go out, meet people, do things (all of which are very good ways to keep depression at bay), but it doesn't help when meds leave me too tired to do much at all. So yeah.

From a coding perspective: I want to attempt getting a proper LAN mode going for melonDS. Although lately my brain has been wanting me to focus on something else: a fun side project adventure that involves DSi DSP programming. It's not directly related to melonDS, but it may end up benefitting the DS/DSi scene either way, so hey. I'd want to talk more about it, if it does pan out, but that'd go on another blog.
14 comments have been posted.
< Optimizing wifi, take twoLAN multiplayer: in the works >
kojq says:
Aug 27th 2023
🫡
Minessota Klei says:
Aug 27th 2023
Lots of health and good vibes to you!

I really like melonDS, to the infinity and beyond!!!!!!
lucaspltn says:
Aug 27th 2023
Taking one med at a time, so that you can treat your depression and ADHD without having that conflict of the meds that makes things worse...sounds like a strategy ♟️🧐♟️

The way I think about it, every new development in melonDS and emulation is a step forward, no matter whether it's big or small, or whether it comes later or sooner. I'm glad that you're still making efforts to step forward!
Noir says:
Aug 27th 2023
Good luck, I hope you'll be fine, and that your life will be bright and pleasant. Don't take too many drugs though, as the mixtures can sometimes be "explosive". It really saddens me to hear that you're not in optimum shape. Sincerely yours, dear friend. Guillaume
Nixel says:
Aug 28th 2023
Finding the right meds can be a struggle. I only really need meds for ADD, and it was already an adventure... But once you find what works, everything gets easier and feels more natural. The future will be bright!
ari32 says:
Aug 29th 2023
You've already done a fantastic job on the emulator, to the point where there's very little left to do (from the perspective of the user). It's brought joy/nostalgia/relaxation to thousands of people. You're a boss, full stop, there's no need to apologize.

I think I speak for all of us, we wish you a good journey in your IRL life.
Trunks/ says:
Aug 30th 2023
Take care of yourself first and foremost!
type of incognito says:
Aug 30th 2023
You have done a great job with this emulator, taking it to such a point that it is very close to making the DS local communication work. Let us remember that this has not been done and the DS came out in 2004, almost 20 years ago.
I call on the community of those programmers who were born with that console in their arms that gave some of us so many hopes to lend a hand to this person who is trying to make that effort with so many health problems and let him have a little life , I have done a huge job, don't be discouraged because you have created a giant project with a great community and people who use it

That's why we crave that local communication so badly, I honestly don't know a better emulator than melonds nor one that has been so close to achieving local communication.
type of incognito says:
Aug 30th 2023
sorry I wanted to say you have done a great job
Lumanare says:
Aug 31st 2023
Take yer time! Your own health comes first, you know? We can wait!
EaRenDeL says:
Aug 31st 2023
It's a marathon not a race. Stay as healthy as posible.
Min Hyuk Lee says:
Sep 1st 2023
You've done a excellent job on this emulator! I know the feeling of what it's like to battle depression... If I may, here's something I wrote pulled from my upcoming book.

Afterword

One of my inspirations for this book described what it feels like to grow up with depression. I can relate to the feeling of being swallowed whole by the ocean. When nobody came to save me from my sinking vessel. When I needed the support of the captain and they were not there to rescue me from the hungry sea. Seeing nothing but the red light of my fears of failure shining at the far end of the road. Being stuck on my sinking ship and praying what happened never came to be. Wanting to be dead on my couch without waking from my slumber. Wishing I had a wax and feather with a set of wings to escape the struggles that I am going through. Imagining a utopia without the discordant humans outside creating an uproar inside my brain. Not to mention the hurt ancestors that came before ingrained deep within my subconscious mind. Trauma, PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you name it, they cut deeper than the sea itself…
Sometimes, my fears from experiencing trauma manifest a dark dystopian world of my making as I watch as prophecies fulfill themselves. Within that mindset, the lies I taught myself was that I would live a life in devastation – alone, poor, and tired of living. This was the voice of my fear, but it was my reality.
For me, my fears are seeing the tragedies within a modern society. Whether it’s the media or witnessing the chaos of events in person. As an empath, those things can be truly devastating! It feels as though I am reliving a warzone within my mind! Perhaps, there might be no real “cure” for PTSD. I can, however, accept and learn to cope with it. If I want to overcome trauma, it may not make me stronger – I do that myself.
The low vibration emotions that no longer serve me, I’ve learned to accept and acknowledge them with compassion and willpower, sending them back to SOURCE. Everybody has their personal battles within themselves, and how I react emotionally to mine is important.
Like the peaceful warrior, the best I can do in times of chaos are to be creative, inspire, empower, and express. When I hold onto the blazing coals, my hands will burn. Yet, I may have the urge to throw the coals at somebody and they will probably throw them back at me. Although, if I choose to drop the coals, walk away, and allow for my hands to heal, that is the way of the peaceful warrior.
By utilizing metacognitive skills to stay self-aware of my thoughts and thinking, finding harmony within, accepting my strengths and weaknesses, silencing my internal critic with compassion, correcting my misconceptions about luck and success, and opening my heart to my bountiful blessings, I can become more in my heart and less in my head.
In my personal life, I still have battles to overcome. Though, I cannot compare my hardships with others. Some people can ingest hot sauce and feel completely fine, while some feel excruciating pain with a single drop.
Nevertheless, sometimes holding on to pain does more damage than letting go, and sometimes letting go requires a slow release of grasp.
When I dwell on the past, I bring the past into my future. If I worry about the future, I manifest my worries into the future. When I learn from the past, and let go of what no longer serves me, thus I may grow and find harmony within.


Despite the hardships I’ve been through, I strive to do the right thing. That doesn’t mean I am innocent or naïve, it simply means I have determination!
My message to the readers of this book is to never give up no matter what! With lots of unconditional love, kindness, and compassion, thank you for taking your time to read this, it was fun working on this project!


“The meaning of perfect resides in how you define your sin. To “sin” simply means to miss the mark. To sin is to be the seeker of perfection.” - Min Hyuk Lee

And...

Foreword - LiHigh School Graduation Speech

I grew up diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified, which is a type of autism. Everyone called my autism a disability. I internalized the idea that I was not good enough and would never be able to do well in school. I feared the unknown and what it would bring. I feared challenges. My fears led me to become physically aggressive with people who treated me differently. I believed my diagnosis meant I was abnormal and hopeless, in short; I was bad. But thanks to some wonderful mentors, the power of writing, and some amazing experiences at LiHigh School, I’ve overcome these inner limitations and learned to embrace my life.
If it wasn’t for my mentors, I would have been in worse situations. The director of my school, Greg, taught me to transcend my anger through compassion and willpower. This is helping me transform my low-vibration feelings into a higher, universal love. Slowly but surely, I began to harmonize with Greg’s guidance. Challenges were necessary to see reality with my eyes wide open. This was the beginning of my transformation.
In my personal life, my mom was frustrated, as I was not willing to listen to her viewpoints. I had to learn to trust my heart’s intuition, instead of my fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. My mother and I still have disagreements, but I’ve begun to learn patience, understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance. I used to believe I was right and she was wrong, but in reality, I feared making the changes she wanted because I feared adulthood. I strove for perfection without realizing that I am perfect for my flaws. Nonetheless, learning from mistakes is an opportunity to grow.
I also met Denise, the owner of the Wilson Castle, an historic museum in my hometown. She taught me to appreciate what I have. Her mother died when she was younger, so she helped me value the presence of my mother in my life.
Writing helped me evolve as well. I started writing a book in 2019. While writing the book, I connected with William, who became my spiritual mentor and counselor, as well as my editor. He informed me that “Everyone is where they are at.” Those words helped me understand people whom I disliked. We should not judge someone based on their unique perspective of reality. I am grateful for William’s words of wisdom.
When I started writing my first book, I felt alone and discouraged. Thankfully, William, Denise, and other mentors helped me find my voice. When I finally held my published book, I knew I had the potential to do anything I put my mind to. Along this journey, I learned a philosophy that is centered on unconditional love and my connection with many friends. The book inspired me to learn and push past my fears. Deep inside, I always had determination, but through the book, I learned to see my challenges as gifts.
Becoming an author made me realize I can write the story of my life. Subsequently, I removed myself from my living situation because I wanted to focus on personal growth and change. My mother’s way of talking to me often triggered my anger and frustration. It prevented me from doing the work I needed to do. I moved in with Ashley, a special educator and one of my mentors. With the space I had, I was free from the triggers that distracted me from my work. One of the lessons I learned – and that I’m still learning – is that sometimes in life I have to deal with those who trigger me.
As I graduate high school, I look back and see that I have self-published three books and recorded three classical-music albums. If I hadn’t embraced my autism, I may not be who I am today. I am someone who is passionate about expressing himself, who desires to learn, experience joy and harmony, and live a creative lifestyle. My journey is still ongoing, and I am excited for my next step.

Before I leave LiHigh School, I want to share the philosophy my time here has helped me build.
Everybody has things to overcome. To overcome is to accept, to acknowledge, to surrender. To feel your heavy emotions and experiences through the lens of compassion, using your willpower. Compassion is how you acknowledge and accept your reality and transform fear into faith. This process requires humility, however. Learning, allowing yourself to acknowledge your ignorance, is an act of humility. Challenges may make you stronger – but self-healing may not be that simple.
When overcoming trauma, you have to ask for support. It's not about feeling better – it's about asking to become better about feeling. The support that will help you overcome trauma can come from a counselor or a friend or family member. To trust in support takes a commitment. Be open to change and silence your inner critic with compassion. Transmute your self-doubt, self-loathing, and guilt into self-love. This requires a daily practice of eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, maintaining a healthy sleep pattern, and engaging in regular meditation and exercise. These practices induce a growth mindset and decrease your primal instincts, your fight/flight/freeze/fawn response, helping you overcome them and become a more responsible person.
A responsible person combines their wisdom with their power. Wisdom is one part intuition, one part feeling, and one part guide. We feel it in our hearts, and it makes us feel connected to the wider universe. We may sense that connection as a guide – a muse, a spirit, a sign – and we connect it to our emotions and experiences to discover wisdom.
Your power is your volition, your choice, your freedom – the primal part of you that holds ultimate agency. If you act on your power without wisdom, you risk traumatizing those who have less power than you – the ultimate irresponsible act.
When we act with wisdom, compassion, and love, we decrease the dangers of ignorance, arrogance, and prejudice and reduce our chances of causing harm.
Thank you to the supportive mentors who have helped me along my journey. Thank you for believing in me!

“Energy flows from gratitude and love, it stops cold with greed.” - Min Hyuk Lee

Remember,

You are worthy of love,
You are worthy of support,
You are worthy to receive,
You are worthy to receive.

You don't have to earn it,
You don't have to prove it,
You don't have to bargain for it,
You are worthy,
Worthy.

Simply because you exist!

(Quote not by me)
Shmonni says:
Sep 4th 2023
Hey guy i had same insgesamt but only Ritalin it took me a year to stabilize myself without medication, but I'm way a better self without it now stay as you are time will do the rest of it
Shmonni says:
Sep 4th 2023
Issues*

I really appreciate your work!
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